Trauma for Children in Foster care
All children in foster care have been exposed to some form of trauma. The very act of being put in foster care is traumatic for children, because it means the loss of their birth family and often friends, schoolmates, teachers, and everything that is familiar.
But many children in foster care have experienced more than one form of trauma or repeated trauma, the lasting effects of which should be acknowledged and understood by families considering foster care and adoption.
What is trauma?Child traumatic stress occurs when children and adolescents are exposed to events or situations that overwhelm their ability to cope and interfere with daily life and their ability to function and interact with others.
The type of trauma experienced by children in foster care can vary widely from neglect to domestic violence to physical and sexual abuse.
How does trauma affect children?Trauma can affect children’s brains, bodies, behavior, and ways of thinking. Ongoing trauma often disrupts children’s sense of security, safety, and sense of themselves and alters the way they see and respond to people and situations in their lives. Approximately one in four children in foster care will show signs of post-traumatic stress disorder.
Children who have experienced trauma—especially ongoing trauma—may have developed unhealthy habits and behaviors, including increased aggression and distrusting or disobeying adults. These behaviors may have helped protect the children from neglect or abuse in the past and may be strongly rooted. It will take time, patience, and often therapeutic support to address and overcome them.
As the Child Welfare Information Gateway fact sheet, Parenting a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma (495 KB PDF), states: “Parenting a child who has experienced trauma may require a shift from seeing a ‘bad kid’ to a kid who has had bad things happen to him.”
Effect of trauma on brain developmentA recent and growing body of research into children’s brain development is shedding new light on the ways that maltreatment changes the structure and chemical activity of the brain and the resulting emotional and behavioral functioning of the child. Research is shifting the way that professionals view and treat children who have experienced trauma by providing biological explanations for what had traditionally been described in psychological, emotional, and behavioral terms.
How can a parent help a child recover and heal?Experienced foster and adoptive parents have shared the following tips with us about supporting a child who has experienced trauma:
All children in foster care have been exposed to some form of trauma. The very act of being put in foster care is traumatic for children, because it means the loss of their birth family and often friends, schoolmates, teachers, and everything that is familiar.
But many children in foster care have experienced more than one form of trauma or repeated trauma, the lasting effects of which should be acknowledged and understood by families considering foster care and adoption.
What is trauma?Child traumatic stress occurs when children and adolescents are exposed to events or situations that overwhelm their ability to cope and interfere with daily life and their ability to function and interact with others.
The type of trauma experienced by children in foster care can vary widely from neglect to domestic violence to physical and sexual abuse.
How does trauma affect children?Trauma can affect children’s brains, bodies, behavior, and ways of thinking. Ongoing trauma often disrupts children’s sense of security, safety, and sense of themselves and alters the way they see and respond to people and situations in their lives. Approximately one in four children in foster care will show signs of post-traumatic stress disorder.
Children who have experienced trauma—especially ongoing trauma—may have developed unhealthy habits and behaviors, including increased aggression and distrusting or disobeying adults. These behaviors may have helped protect the children from neglect or abuse in the past and may be strongly rooted. It will take time, patience, and often therapeutic support to address and overcome them.
As the Child Welfare Information Gateway fact sheet, Parenting a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma (495 KB PDF), states: “Parenting a child who has experienced trauma may require a shift from seeing a ‘bad kid’ to a kid who has had bad things happen to him.”
Effect of trauma on brain developmentA recent and growing body of research into children’s brain development is shedding new light on the ways that maltreatment changes the structure and chemical activity of the brain and the resulting emotional and behavioral functioning of the child. Research is shifting the way that professionals view and treat children who have experienced trauma by providing biological explanations for what had traditionally been described in psychological, emotional, and behavioral terms.
How can a parent help a child recover and heal?Experienced foster and adoptive parents have shared the following tips with us about supporting a child who has experienced trauma:
- Be patient and consistent and do not take children’s behavior personally.
- Do not to expect to learn upfront about all the trauma the child or youth has experienced. Some of the trauma’s effects may not become apparent for months or even years.
- Be prepared to have patience and talk things through—a lot!
- Be open to solving problems in new ways.
- Never be afraid to reach out for help and advice from others. Parent support groups can be a great source of information. Search for support groups by state on our website.
- Work hard to understand the trauma and how the trauma affects your child. Not all cases are text book, but doing your research can definitely help.
- Utilize and seek out community resources. Training may be available through hospitals, school programs, therapeutic, and private agencies.
- Ask your child's pediatrician for additional services and resources.
- Take the long view. The trauma didn’t happen overnight and the healing won’t either.
- Finally, as one mother told us: “The thing I’ve learned most from parenting traumatized children is that they are amazing, resilient, and strong.”
- Parenting After Trauma: Understanding Your Child’s Needs. A Guide for Foster and Adoptive Parents (1.5 MB PDF), a 2016 publication of the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption.
- Parenting a Child Who Has Experienced Abuse or Neglect (440 KB PDF), a 2013 publication from the Child Welfare Information Gateway.
- Parenting a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma (495 KB PDF), a 2014 factsheet for families from the Child Welfare Information Gateway.
- Understanding the Effects of Maltreatment on Brain Development (443 KB PDF), a 2015 issue brief from Child Welfare Information Gateway.
- “The Toll of Childhood Trauma,” an article published in Counseling Today in 2014.
Opening in April 2018 - Pride and Joy, the closet for foster children in Hernando, MS
We will have first night bags, which will include a toothbrush, socks, book, doll or stuffed animal (security) and pajamas. In addition, we will have clothing and stuff animals available separated by size and sex. We will also be partnering with another foster support agency to expand our outreach for the children in care. We have plans to start the "Prom Project" that will collect and have prom apparel ready for foster children, everyone deserves to go to their prom, not having the clothing shouldn't be a reason not to. We are in the midst of creating what we call the "Wishr Well", which is place for foster parents to send wishes of their foster children of things needed. To contact me, please email me at terry@jaydensjoy.org. More to follow............
We will have first night bags, which will include a toothbrush, socks, book, doll or stuffed animal (security) and pajamas. In addition, we will have clothing and stuff animals available separated by size and sex. We will also be partnering with another foster support agency to expand our outreach for the children in care. We have plans to start the "Prom Project" that will collect and have prom apparel ready for foster children, everyone deserves to go to their prom, not having the clothing shouldn't be a reason not to. We are in the midst of creating what we call the "Wishr Well", which is place for foster parents to send wishes of their foster children of things needed. To contact me, please email me at terry@jaydensjoy.org. More to follow............
Social workers are people too
I know we all want to blame the social worker when things don't work or aren't going the way we want them too. But just like any other industry there are good and bad workers – that's human nature – just as there are fantastic foster parents and there are those who shouldn't even breathe near a child. I have had some fabulous social workers and I have had some horrible ones. You, as the foster parent, need to know your rights, your responsibilities, and the fact that this is a partnership and you are not a babysitter. You can't be ruled by fear (intimidation by a bad worker) or just sit back and expect the work to be done for you. Being a foster parent means being an advocate for the child in your care. There are agencies and services where you can receive information and treatment without involving your social worker, as long as it’s needed for the child you have in your care. You must also have a "medical needed" letter from the office that has placed the child, which will allow you to sign for medical care, school forms, etc. Request this upon placement. In the case of an emergency placement request, you’ll have it within a week. If you are the first placement when a child comes into care, you have seven days to take the child to a doctor for a checkup.
As a foster parent, it’s up to you to know, study, and remember your rights. You should have a review after six months with your area office, and every six months from the date the child first came into the department. There is a permanency hearing after nine months in care with the department, and there are different time tables if you’re dealing with an ICPC depending on state and age. Lastly, there are requirements related to the Adoption and Safe Families Act. I will be providing more information in detail on all of these. Remember, take in children that will fit into your heart and lifestyle. Do not take a child that requires daycare without a voucher if you’re an outside worker. If you agree, you can't decide it’s not what you agreed to down the line. If you’re going to need a voucher for daycare, request up front that it be part of any child placed with you. There is a HUGE difference between a daycare voucher and a DCF slottable voucher. There is also a variance voucher for child care. There is PACT reimbursement, which is reimbursement for hours given above and beyond for care of the child.
Remember there is policy, procedure, and the law. You may think that a social worker isn't acting in a child's best interest when in fact they are only following the law, and if it were up to them they would probably agree with you, but they can't. There are also policies and procedures in place that they must follow. There are time lines, limits, service plans, etc. Sometimes the social worker is shot down by the Judge or the child's attorney. Get the facts straight and then prepare. It's a shame that a child is allowed to go home to a mattress on the floor, not their own room, or even to shelter, but it's the LAW and it's the policy and procedures that must be followed. Remember, REUNIFICATION is first and foremost. Every pre-adoption case has risk, and you have to prepare for that. Believe me, I've been frustrated as well, but it’s the laws we have to advocate to change. However, this does not mean you shouldn’t get the help you need for the child in your care. Nor does this mean you shouldn't fight for a child in your care. I'm not saying you have to agree, and believe me I didn't, but you have to take the time to see what is policy (which can be interpreted differently by different people) and what is law. Talk to the child's attorney, provide your concerns and documentation at foster care reviews, ask about the decision at the nine-month permanency hearing (is the foster/adopt goal going to change?). Ask for feedback after bio visits. Document the child's behavior after these visits. My son had diarrhea for 48 hours after every bio visit for almost two months. We had to work with his doctor to put him on a diet so that his emotion didn't cause so much physical discomfort. You have to be active, proactive, and involved in the child's well-being.
PLEASE don't think just because a TPR (termination of parental rights) is done that an adoption will happen. Any blood relative has 90 days after a TPR to request placement, including out-of-state. If a child has been with you a long time, request that a bonding study be done with the child's attorney, your social worker, and the child's social worker. Until the adoption is final, you must stay vigilant and advocate for the child if adoption is your goal. Remember, many factors can change things – for instance, just because a bio parent has lost all their children to adoption, there is no guarantee they will lose another one (meaning another pregnancy). DCF's goal is to keep the family intact, and if a child goes into foster care, KINSHIP is and should be the first placement. Only when this isn't possible does a child go to a non-related foster home. Remember, a social worker may not know what trauma this child has faced, besides being taken from home. So it’s a learning process. Remember, a lot of family members won't interfere when DCF takes the child, hoping that the parents will get their act together, BUT as soon as a trial for TPR is scheduled you may find them coming of out the woodwork. This doesn't mean it's automatic, but it does mean it can take a while, and with the court system, you’re looking at three months or more between court appearances. KNOW YOUR RIGHTS – you have the legal right to attend and/or be heard by affidavit any and all court appearances that pertain to the child in your care. For more information, visit the Opportunity To Be Heard Project at mspcc.org. There are the forms you need and directions. In the near future, it is my hope that I will be the Metro contact for this project for foster parents.
If you think adoption is a given, it’s not. Open your heart and home to help the child. After living with the trauma our son faced from multiple placements, my husband and I are dedicated to help other foster children so that they have some sort of shot towards normalcy, whatever that might be. Just imagine your house is on fire and you have five minutes to grab what you can before you get out – that's how a foster child feels when they are moved, except they don't have their family around through the crisis. You are their saving grace. Although we adopted, and it wasn't easy, we are not giving up on the children. Pay attention to the service plan, the dates that must be met, and the responsibilities of the bio parent, the social worker, and you as the foster parent. Sometimes it won't be pretty, but advocate, advocate, advocate and always document, document, document. I know I repeat this, but it really is that important.
If you get a chance please check out my blog – it has some good information pertaining to the new ways a 51A can hurt you, stipend payment information, and other support you may need. Remember, to be a great foster parent you have to become a great advocate. These children need us to be there for them; don't take them in because you think you’re going to keep them. Remember, the first choice is reunification. After all, we are here to foster, not to keep. However, if the parents don't do what they are supposed to, of course adopt these babies. But that shouldn't be your first thought when you foster – if you do, you will be heartbroken. There are a lot of kids who are available for adoption, but mostly older kids. Yes, I was lucky my son came to us at 14 months, and at age 3 we adopted him – so yes it can happen, but remember there are no guarantees. So many kids need a home, and I am committed to giving a child a one-stop place until they can go home, so they don't end up with the issues my son has had to work on and overcome. Babies can have PTSD, RAD, and all types of attachment disorders because of multiple placements. You will get frustrated because the threshold for providing for a child is so low for birth parents and so high for foster parents. Birth parents can be in a shelter or have a mattress on the floor and still get their kids back. You cannot have a house like that when you’re fostering – you have to be able to offer 50 square feet per child and different bedrooms for different sexes over the age of four unless a sibling group. Love the child and make them feel secure, loved, and safe.
I know we all want to blame the social worker when things don't work or aren't going the way we want them too. But just like any other industry there are good and bad workers – that's human nature – just as there are fantastic foster parents and there are those who shouldn't even breathe near a child. I have had some fabulous social workers and I have had some horrible ones. You, as the foster parent, need to know your rights, your responsibilities, and the fact that this is a partnership and you are not a babysitter. You can't be ruled by fear (intimidation by a bad worker) or just sit back and expect the work to be done for you. Being a foster parent means being an advocate for the child in your care. There are agencies and services where you can receive information and treatment without involving your social worker, as long as it’s needed for the child you have in your care. You must also have a "medical needed" letter from the office that has placed the child, which will allow you to sign for medical care, school forms, etc. Request this upon placement. In the case of an emergency placement request, you’ll have it within a week. If you are the first placement when a child comes into care, you have seven days to take the child to a doctor for a checkup.
As a foster parent, it’s up to you to know, study, and remember your rights. You should have a review after six months with your area office, and every six months from the date the child first came into the department. There is a permanency hearing after nine months in care with the department, and there are different time tables if you’re dealing with an ICPC depending on state and age. Lastly, there are requirements related to the Adoption and Safe Families Act. I will be providing more information in detail on all of these. Remember, take in children that will fit into your heart and lifestyle. Do not take a child that requires daycare without a voucher if you’re an outside worker. If you agree, you can't decide it’s not what you agreed to down the line. If you’re going to need a voucher for daycare, request up front that it be part of any child placed with you. There is a HUGE difference between a daycare voucher and a DCF slottable voucher. There is also a variance voucher for child care. There is PACT reimbursement, which is reimbursement for hours given above and beyond for care of the child.
Remember there is policy, procedure, and the law. You may think that a social worker isn't acting in a child's best interest when in fact they are only following the law, and if it were up to them they would probably agree with you, but they can't. There are also policies and procedures in place that they must follow. There are time lines, limits, service plans, etc. Sometimes the social worker is shot down by the Judge or the child's attorney. Get the facts straight and then prepare. It's a shame that a child is allowed to go home to a mattress on the floor, not their own room, or even to shelter, but it's the LAW and it's the policy and procedures that must be followed. Remember, REUNIFICATION is first and foremost. Every pre-adoption case has risk, and you have to prepare for that. Believe me, I've been frustrated as well, but it’s the laws we have to advocate to change. However, this does not mean you shouldn’t get the help you need for the child in your care. Nor does this mean you shouldn't fight for a child in your care. I'm not saying you have to agree, and believe me I didn't, but you have to take the time to see what is policy (which can be interpreted differently by different people) and what is law. Talk to the child's attorney, provide your concerns and documentation at foster care reviews, ask about the decision at the nine-month permanency hearing (is the foster/adopt goal going to change?). Ask for feedback after bio visits. Document the child's behavior after these visits. My son had diarrhea for 48 hours after every bio visit for almost two months. We had to work with his doctor to put him on a diet so that his emotion didn't cause so much physical discomfort. You have to be active, proactive, and involved in the child's well-being.
PLEASE don't think just because a TPR (termination of parental rights) is done that an adoption will happen. Any blood relative has 90 days after a TPR to request placement, including out-of-state. If a child has been with you a long time, request that a bonding study be done with the child's attorney, your social worker, and the child's social worker. Until the adoption is final, you must stay vigilant and advocate for the child if adoption is your goal. Remember, many factors can change things – for instance, just because a bio parent has lost all their children to adoption, there is no guarantee they will lose another one (meaning another pregnancy). DCF's goal is to keep the family intact, and if a child goes into foster care, KINSHIP is and should be the first placement. Only when this isn't possible does a child go to a non-related foster home. Remember, a social worker may not know what trauma this child has faced, besides being taken from home. So it’s a learning process. Remember, a lot of family members won't interfere when DCF takes the child, hoping that the parents will get their act together, BUT as soon as a trial for TPR is scheduled you may find them coming of out the woodwork. This doesn't mean it's automatic, but it does mean it can take a while, and with the court system, you’re looking at three months or more between court appearances. KNOW YOUR RIGHTS – you have the legal right to attend and/or be heard by affidavit any and all court appearances that pertain to the child in your care. For more information, visit the Opportunity To Be Heard Project at mspcc.org. There are the forms you need and directions. In the near future, it is my hope that I will be the Metro contact for this project for foster parents.
If you think adoption is a given, it’s not. Open your heart and home to help the child. After living with the trauma our son faced from multiple placements, my husband and I are dedicated to help other foster children so that they have some sort of shot towards normalcy, whatever that might be. Just imagine your house is on fire and you have five minutes to grab what you can before you get out – that's how a foster child feels when they are moved, except they don't have their family around through the crisis. You are their saving grace. Although we adopted, and it wasn't easy, we are not giving up on the children. Pay attention to the service plan, the dates that must be met, and the responsibilities of the bio parent, the social worker, and you as the foster parent. Sometimes it won't be pretty, but advocate, advocate, advocate and always document, document, document. I know I repeat this, but it really is that important.
If you get a chance please check out my blog – it has some good information pertaining to the new ways a 51A can hurt you, stipend payment information, and other support you may need. Remember, to be a great foster parent you have to become a great advocate. These children need us to be there for them; don't take them in because you think you’re going to keep them. Remember, the first choice is reunification. After all, we are here to foster, not to keep. However, if the parents don't do what they are supposed to, of course adopt these babies. But that shouldn't be your first thought when you foster – if you do, you will be heartbroken. There are a lot of kids who are available for adoption, but mostly older kids. Yes, I was lucky my son came to us at 14 months, and at age 3 we adopted him – so yes it can happen, but remember there are no guarantees. So many kids need a home, and I am committed to giving a child a one-stop place until they can go home, so they don't end up with the issues my son has had to work on and overcome. Babies can have PTSD, RAD, and all types of attachment disorders because of multiple placements. You will get frustrated because the threshold for providing for a child is so low for birth parents and so high for foster parents. Birth parents can be in a shelter or have a mattress on the floor and still get their kids back. You cannot have a house like that when you’re fostering – you have to be able to offer 50 square feet per child and different bedrooms for different sexes over the age of four unless a sibling group. Love the child and make them feel secure, loved, and safe.